What Gifts are hue giving on Christmas Day?

2011-12-25T10:18:00.002-05:00

Sit down and let Mama wrap to hue a minute about "gifts."

"No. That doesn’t work for me." Is one of the best phrases I’ve ever learned. I’ve also learned, that as much b’huety as Christmas holds, the real picture isn’t always photo shop perfect. Therein, is the GIFT I’m passing on to you this Christmas Day.

The end of the year offers new beginnings and opportunities to put a STOP to things that no longer work for us. Christmas Day, the day that some believe "Christ" was "born", offers perhaps the greatest opportunity, for us to return to love - this IS THE GIFT of Christmas.

But, in this world of constant “Somebody done somebody wrong,” what does that really mean? How does a Doll find sanity? Where do we draw the line between being selfish and doing what makes sense for us and being selflessness and doing what makes sense for others? When someone has hurt us or we’ve hurt someone, how can we return to love? And for each person that hurts us, should we return to them? Or, should we return to love by loving them from afar?

These questions do not hold simple answers, especially when Christmas is here and those you hold dear are waiting for your answers. Love, as splendid as it is to the human heart, can be painful thorns in the human butt. As I navigate through my life and all the soul mates in it, I find myself, and I’m sure you do too, busy with family soul mates and the often times painful growth that comes along with having these permanent life companions. Permanent life companions that know you well and erroneously believe that they know you better than you know yourself. Because they believe they know you better than you know yourself, often times they impose their “dream” of you and hold on to whom you used to be, like a card shark holding on to the last "card" they're going to play in a game of gotcha! And so, sometimes, when family can't accept who you are, have become, or want to be today, sometimes, even on Christmas Day, we have to love family from afar. After all, the ultimate goal, the true magic in life, the biggest Gift comes when you’re discovered doing you.

There are those impermanent soul mates that God places in our way temporarily. For me, I meet most of these people within The Black Doll Affair. For you, perhaps these soul mates can be found in your work place, at church, next door or as you best friends forever...until they're not. Regardless of where you meet them, THESE are the people that are not meant to remain with you forever. Just passing through your life, they’ve come to you and you to them, because they have something to teach you or you have something to teach them. Perhaps, the lessons are mutual. But make no mistake, a life lesson, the Gift, is there for the teaching.

Born on May 1, 1971, I am tough and true to my Taurus the Bull nature. Meaning, I can be stubborn AND I can detect bull a mile away, I don’t accept a lot of bull and my nostrils flare when I feel like a lot of bull is creeping in on me. Life isn’t rosy. And my life sure as heck isn’t. So I’m not trying to paint the picture that I’m perfect. I am not. Trust me, regularly I shuffle through my share of bull crap. If you see me taking a lot of bull, know that with that bull there is more love in place than bull. In such situations, is where I do my best life work and spiritual growth. Down to earth and loving, I’m as cool as a kite on a summer day. Warm natured, when a cold chill [a person with bad intentions] rolls in on my playground, I react like a bull seeing red. It is then, when I have to have my own come to Jesus moment and define where that person fits in my life and should they be allowed to remain. In my personal life and within The Black Doll Affair, I further my soul's work. So, for me, the phrase, “No. That doesn’t work for me” is a daily game of checks and balances.

What about you? Where in your life does, “No. that doesn’t work for me” fit in? Does it fit in? From whom should you accept bull? Who deserves the bull’s horn and who in your life deserves patience with their bull? Have you allowed space for the phrase, ““No. that doesn’t work for me.” Is it balanced to fit the need of you AND those in your life? If not, how can you balance it to make GOOD sense for all those involved and affected by the truth of this life altering phrase?

First and foremost, a return to love is a return to self. First, you put on your oxygen mask and then, you go out and try to do God's work and save others. When you’re WHOLE, then you can go HELP others to pick up the pieces of their lives. So how do we begin? Where can we start? Is it possible to be selfish AND selfless? YES! That’s The Gift.

With the ongoing challenge, mission and duty to remind a black girl of her b'huety, regularly, and certainly more than I like to, I have to hit the "delete" button on a Doll. Recently, I removed someone hue replaces truly relating and connecting with others under the veil of a psychic “gift.” Operating under the disguise of a God given “Gift” this is how she judges people and often times gets away with it. After all, it’s a "gift." In other words, don’t hate the player hate the game. Well, it IS a game. It’s a manipulative game of, ‘I’m going to judge you and you can’t judge me for it because this isn’t really me judging you…it’s my “Gift.” An insecurity blanket that apparently warms many people in her life, when she came to me and said, “I had a dream about you and The Black Doll Affair and in the dream it said that you’re not as good as you think you are, and to change you need to do this, that and the third. And to X, Y and Z, you need to behave in the following ways…” When I hung up with her, I smiled and thought, “Huh, you wish it were THAT easy to knock me off my horse called, “Who do you think you are? I’m a Black Doll! Hue are you???”

Her manipulative attempt to bring me down to a place where she could feel more comfortable dealing with ALL that is the Dane-Dane, allowed me to again use the phrase, "No. That doesn't work for me." But, how many times has that worked for me in the past? Too many. Ask yourself that question this Christmas. How many times have you allowed someone's definition of you hold you back? Fortunately, because of the b’huetiful work in self-esteem we do within this movement, Humpty Dumpty DID NOT fall off the wall. For a few more days, I let her remain in The Black Doll Affair. Looking at her activity from the day she started through 2011, I realized that she was a party Barbie that never used her 'Gift" via the goodzillion philanthropic affairs posted to our calendar. So, I decided that her gift offered little value to my life or this movement. After evaluating if there was more for either of us to learn from each other, I concluded that that there was not and let go of her …and her so called “gift”. It marked the end of her role in my story.

What lesson can be learned from people offering empty gifts? It starts with you. Ironically, the very thing she admonished me of NOT doing enough of within The Black Doll Affair, being there for the people, I was doing when she called up and said I was not. Literally, I was on my way to yet another philanthropic Black Doll Affair, in the trenches of being there for the people, when from bed, shortly after her “dream” I guess, she gifted me with her brand of getting involved in philanthropy = telling us philanthropists doing all the work, how to give back…better. Go figure.

So what is the lesson here for hue and I?

1. Be the change you want to see.

2. Just because THAT’S how they think of you, does not conclude that’s who you are.

3. Their definition of you is not your truth.

4. When being judged, know that it’s coming from a place of insecurity. It is not a “gift” to you. It’s that crock of bull that I mentioned earlier.

Born Dolls, we're natural people pleasers. Natural people pleasers willing to negotiate our terms of self all too often and all too often are expected to BE perfect. So the best “Gift” we can give to others and ourselves is stating, “No. That doesn’t work for me.” As for those so called gifts, when it comes to a “Gift” given to you that doesn’t make you whole or add to all that you can be, stand up and say, “No. That doesn’t work for me” then walk away. Who you truly are and what you need to feel whole and complete is NOT up for debate.

When someone has hurt us or we’ve hurt someone, how can we return to love? As complicated as human relations are and will continue to be, the best thing I’ve ever learned is to start all over every second. Just because your words were harsh yesterday, you don’t have to carry them into your tomorrow. If someone misused you in their actions or their speech, forgive them, now in this moment. The only moment that is real. When you find yourself back in the moment of anger, resentment and hatred, let it go …again. Like you would a hot potato placed in your hands, drop it. Drop it like it’s hot. When and if the burden of that hot potato is again placed in your hands, drop it like it’s hot again. Keep dropping it like it’s hot until you’re completely renewed, healed, forgiven & forgiving. To return to love, drop it like it’s hot.

So, what are The “Gifts” you’re giving today? Are they authentic? Or, are they your insecurities wrapped up in a pretty…dark package with a pink bow on top? Can you afford to give The “Gift?” Or, should you save your “Gift” for the girl in the mirror? Are you giving the “gift” of guilt by NOT allowing someone to change their definition of who they are… today? Are you giving the “gift” of guilt by NOT allowing someone to truly be who you already know they are or can be, all because who they are or have become makes you uncomfortable or goes against your religious or spiritual belief?

Imagine how many gifts you can give out today, just by allowing people, places and things to BE as they are!

Dolls, the greatest Gift of all is love and love is meeting people where they’re at. Sometimes that means you meet then and you play on that journey for a lifetime…other times, it means you must disconnect from them. Most of the time it means that when you let go and allow, one way or the other, all those involved will receive the greatest gift of all, love.

On Christmas Day, I'm willing to meet you where you're at AND I'm willing to say, "No. That doesn't work for me. That is not only my soul's yen and yang work to wholeness, but my "GIFT" to all of hue today, as your dolling leader. What we do can only be measured by the recipients, not by those sitting on the sidelines. "Black Dolls have more fun!" "The family that plays together stays together" and "We're pretty...philanthropic", are mottos that we have always stood by and will continue to stand for. We Dolls play as hard as we work and what I know for sure, is what hue and I do for others is good ... and in God’s eyes that’s good enough.

Promise me this, today, before you give a gift or accept one, shake it a bit to really find out what's in it...

Merry Christmas to hue!

All my love, all the time,

Dana "Mama Doll" Hill

The Black Doll Affair Founder's Barbie Q & A Blog

What Gifts are hue giving on Christmas Day?